He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
