I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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