haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
