When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
