my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
