your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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