yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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