I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
