I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
