I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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