Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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