you lied. pity sex is amazing.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
