Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
