Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
