Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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