honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
