Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
