Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.