Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.

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(469): View more from Texas

Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick

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(702): View more from Nevada

We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(330): View more from Ohio

He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.

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(407): View more from Florida

We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no

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