"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit