On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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