i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
