It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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