i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Found the puke drawer
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
