You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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