Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
