perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
