I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
