Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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