Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize