i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
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You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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