I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
