I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
