My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
