Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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