he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
