you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
