you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
