Quick, to the slutcave!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
