So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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