My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can I color on your dick again?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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