She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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