wakey wakey hands off snakey
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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