She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize