if you like me you must not know who I am
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
