well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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