That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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