I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
