If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
