The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
