We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
