i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im about as happy as oj after his trial
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
