Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
