I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
