please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
