At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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