If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I could make wine with my vomit
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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