She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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