I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
