i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
