Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
