How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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