You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
