if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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