if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dignity is for republicans.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
