Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
