we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
