I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
