i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
